Another Queer Jewish Buddhist

Today is three days of the Omer - Tiferet in Chesed

Tiferet is the card of the open heart, and the open heart of loving kindness seems at odds with the image in the 6 of wands. It an image of triumph, which usually means success in battle. While it is tempting to see the laurel wreath on the head of the rider in the image as a celebration not only of peace but of the arts, I also have to look at the two central staves in the image to note that they appear to be crossed just below the line of vision. And that one of the wreathes crowns that cross, which is in this very Jewish discussion, a very Christian (and let's not deny also a very Jewish) image. On this Easter day, it is an image of the crucifixion, and Tiferet, among the Christian Kabbalists, is associated with the sacred heart of Jesus, and the sacrifice of the open heart.

Of course, the word sacrifice has it's origin in the word for blood, which was involved in ritual sacrifice at the Temple, in the recognition and grief of the spilled blood of the Egyptians as we lessened our cups of wine this Passover week, and in the crucifixion itself.

So today is the day that we must do open heart surgery on ourselves, without fear of spilling some blood in the process. But whose blood? Ours? Those we see as enemies?

Last night, at a 4th night seder I attended, there was a rich discussion of the issues raised by government mandated forgiveness in Rwanda as opposed to the process by which we come to forgiveness as practiced in South Africa with the establishment of a Truth and Reconciliation Commission. This was not an academic discussion, since one of the seder guests was also a friend of the family of Captain Robert Philips, currently being held hostage by pirates off the Somali coast.

Can we bear the pain of that family? And are we open hearted enough to know the unconscious pain of people who act it out in the world as pirates? Do we have enough gevurah to respond with discipline and strength, measured force used in understanding? Do we truly understand what sacrifices must be called for? I think about the until recently censored photos of the American war dead hiding the true cost and feeling of sacrifice. I don't pretend to have the answers to these questions, but I know we must ask them. Meditating on the Omer is not divorced from what is happening right here right now in the world and in our own lives. It is a practice of clarification and purification so that hopefully we know how to act in the world and not react.

Perhaps the victory of the open heart in loving kindness is the ability to feel of the complexity without being overwhelmed, with clarity of purpose and compassion for all. Something I cannot pretend to be even close to attaining. It is the goal of the Bodhisattva's vow.

In Rabbi Simon Jacobson's popular Spiritual Guide for the Counting of the Omer, he suggests the action meditation for the day is to offer a helping hand to a stranger. Considering the images suggested by today's cards, I wonder if we should be dong something more radical — something that is often defined as treason in fact, which is offering aid and comfort to our enemies. Of course, I am not suggesting helping someone actively seek destruction. I am thinking about the ways in which, say the gay community might be using its economic strength in neighborhoods where we have the perception that we are the enemy. How are we using the gifts we have been given to help lift others up?

Back in the 50s and 60s, many gay men and lesbians worked in the civil rights movement — we can think of it as perhaps a sublimated desire to fight for ourselves, but we can also think of it as a recognition of one wounded heart for another and the desire to assist others when we could not help ourselves. Now we can help ourselves, and perhaps we have forgotten others. In victory (or simply in feeling secure) we can become insensitive to the suffering of others.

This is the open hearted action that I think is called for today. And it is up to each of us to consider where we have been insensitive and do a little open heart surgery, what we Jews call the circumcision of the heart, so that we stay connected that we might share in both the deeper suffering and deeper joy that is the gift of living in this world.

Today is two days of the Omer - Gevurah of Chesed, Structure and Struggle

So we're two days into the desert, and from the 5 of Wands we can see the the Israelites are already fighting, complaining, competing — kvetching.

I know from my own experience you can escape from dire situations and be grateful and swear to be conscious moving forward only a day later (if even that long) succumbing to old patterns of unconsciousness.

Gevurah, as structure, can be seen in some ways as patterns of unconsciousness when unmediated by the energies by other sefirot. After all, one can be very disciplined in the pursuit of some very unhealthy activities.  But of course, day two is Gevurah in the week of Chesed, so that this loving kindness is in fact mediated by by discipline.
To some, this might look like the struggle and competition we can see in the 5 of wands. The clarity and foundation in the 4 of wands is in the midst of movement into a new order — an order that will ultimately be more balanced. Because unrestrained loving kindness can be overwhelming. Chesed on its own can be experienced as a boundary violation, and mediated by Gevurah, those boundaries are upheld. So while it looks like we've moved from Divine Marriage to earthly argument, the young men in the 5 of wands can be seen as dancers (pole dancers? lol) creating new order. In Chesed as it expresses itself through Gevurah, we can experience the deeper structure and harmony underneath all our struggles, inner and outer.

Today is one day of the omer (5769)

  Time for the annual blogging of the Omer.

Day 1: Chesed of Chesed. In Atzilut. The image that captures this divine outpouring of loving kindness into the world can be seen in the Tarot card the 4 of Wands.

The four wands, with a garland of fruit and flowers, looks like a chuppah, and as such, looks forward to the marriage of Israel and the Divine on Shavuot, the ultimate expression of love and mercy.

It also is reminiscent of Abraham's tent, which was described as open on all four sides, so he could see visitors as they approached, the better to be able to welcome them.

This is not wish-washy loving kindness, but active in the world. The number four very much connecting to a strong foundation.

Today is a day to meditate on this energy. And to bring our expression of love into the world in ever more creative ways as we join with the Divine as partners in the ongoing act of Creation.

Someday, I hope to stand under just such a chuppah, in a state and country that recognizes legal standing to marriage between queer people, and in a synagogue that recognizes the sacred nature of our relationships. May it happen speedily and in our day.

Today is the 16th day of the counting of the omer: Gevurah of Tiferet

Usually I hold gevurah at a distance, no one likes severity. And judgment sounds so, well, judgmental. But judgment, like the suit of swords in the Tarot deck is about discriminating intelligence. The ability to separate things out and decide between them. This takes a sharp mind. And because separating things is connected to an understanding of law, structure and discipline. So all these ideas are connected. But the Gevurah of Tiferet is the ability to see differences and separate things out with an open heart — fully feeling the pain that separation or judgment can entail. This sounds abstract, but it has important human, personal, implications…

Today is the eleventh day of the counting of the Omer: Netzach of Gevurah

Once again I turn to the Tarot as a way of exploring the lessons of the day. Gevurah as it turns up in the suit of Pentacles suggests a rigid religious institution that has forgotten its true purpose — that leaves out those we are enjoined to open our doors and hearts to: the poor and broken in body and spirit. But Netzach is about the victory of perseverance. And in the seven of Pentacles we see a man who on his own has persevered in tending his spiritual garden and is about to reap the fruits.

I think about this as the Soulforce Equality Riders are headed to NYC after persevering in their struggle with rigid religious institutions. I think about this as I consider the long hard work of many people in the Conservative movement of Judaism who were rewarded with their patient struggle last month with the decision to ordain gay and lesbian rabbis at JTS. And the struggle of those who know that the Committee on Jewish Law and Standards really punted and that we are nowhere near where we really ought to be.

This kind of perseverance takes gevurah in fact, the gevurah of discipline — otherwise these sacred activists would have given up long ago. And while there are rigid institutions that seek our exile from their community, spiritual exile can only be self-imposed. In the meantime, it is important that we persevere in opening the doors and hearts of these institutions. Certainly not all will change in my lifetime. But as Rabbi Tarfon exhorted us: You are not obliged to finish the task, neither are you free to neglect it.

Today is the fourth day of the counting of the Omer. Netzach of Chesed.

One of the books I return to again and again during the time of the count is  , by Isabel Radow Kliegman. She has matched each card to its sefirotic equivalent and interpreted them in this way. I like to match up the “netzach” cards with the “chesed” cards, and so on, each day to think about the energies and meditative qualities of each day of the count.

With regard to the Seven of Wands, Kliegman writes: “this is the card that urges you to have the courage not only of your convictions but your ‘abnormalities.’” Paired with the Four of Wands, which can be seen as either a Sukkah or a Chuppah, it points back to some of what I wrote about yesterday. Having an open heart, but being willing to defend what needs defending (without being defensive about it). I see this as having the courage to fully express who you are in the world, knowing that there will be some who will attack you for it, and being ready for the attack without shutting down. As a gay man who seeks to live from the place of an open heart, and of course as an out gay man who thus must on a regular basis declare/announce his sexuality, this is a day in the count that has great meaning for me.

Please don’t make the mistake of thinking that I consider myself abnormal in the pejorative sense of the word because I am gay. It is the simple recognition that the default assumption of the majority culture is that everyone is heterosexual until otherwise informed.

What's All This Omer Counting About?

The counting of the Omer is a practice of introspection and spiritual growth that has its origins in a Biblical commandment that no one practices anymore.

That commandment is to count forty-nine days beginning from the day on which the Omer, about two quarts of barley, was offered in the Temple in Jerusalem, up until the day before an offering of wheat was brought to the Temple on Shavuot. The Counting of the Omer begins on the second day of Passover and ends the day before the holiday of Shavuot.

In fact, the commandment wasn’t simply about counting – one was supposed to bring an Omer of grain to the Temple each day. Today, there is no Temple and most of us aren’t growing any barley, but Jews continue to count the days, because of the deep inner value of this particularly mystical practice. The counting of each of the forty-nine days between the Jewish holidays of Passover and Shavuot have come to symbolize the passage of the Jews freed from slavery in Egypt to the time they came before Mt. Sinai to receive the revelation of the Torah.

Thus, the idea of counting each day represents spiritual preparation and anticipation for the giving of the Torah, which was given by God on Mount Sinai on the fiftieth day, Shavuot. [This 50th day is the origin of the period Christians know as Pentecost]

The period of Omer is considered to be a time of potential for inner growth - for a person to work on strengthening one's middot or good characteristics and to work through one’s shadow side by meditating on the sefirotic aspects represented each day for the 49 days of the counting.

In Kabbalah, each of the seven weeks of the Omer-counting is associated with one of the seven lower sefirot (#4-10): Chesed, Gevurah, Tipheret, Netzach, Hod, Yesod, and Malchut. Each day of each week is also associated with one of these same seven sefirot, creating forty-nine permutations.

The first day of the Omer is therefore associated with "chesed that is in chesed", the second day with "gevurah that is in chesed"; the first day of the second week is associated with "chesed that is in gevurah," the second day of the second week with "gevurah that is in gevurah," and so on. Symbolically, each of these 49 permutations represents an aspect of each person's character that can be improved or further developed.

Rabbi Rami Shapiro offers a free download of his meditations on each day online. Rabbi Simon Jacobson explains these 49 levels in his classic book, The Spiritual Guide to Counting the Omer.

Because the sefirot are at the heart of Tarot symbolism, I use them as part of my meditative practice during this time, relying on a number of books, including Tarot and the Tree of Life. I also use the understanding of the sefirot learned in my time studying with Professor Elliot R. Wolfson at NYU, and with Jason Shulman at the Society of Souls (where I learned much, am grateful, and would not recommend to others). And of course, I bring my experience in Vipassana meditation and Buddhist study to this very Jewish practice as well. I also read the Pirkei Avot, a chapter of which is traditionally read each week between Passover and Shavuot.

On the night of Shavuot, once one has purified oneself through the Omer meditations, one is ready to receive the Torah anew, to receive one’s own personal revelation, a glimpse of the heavens and one’s destiny. The custom on that night is to stay up throughout the night in synagogue, devoted to prayer and study. I always look forward to this night. And I live with the understanding that to have expectations or desire about that night is to subvert the teaching; that every day counts, and that there is the potential for revelation in every moment.