Another Queer Jewish Buddhist

5770: The new year and the power of intention, individual and communal

This is the last calendar day of the Judaic calendar year 5769. Tonight, at sunsets around the world Jews will gather in synagogues and around dinner tables to mark the change and to examine their lives in the hope of change.

Change. A word we heard a lot of in the last year. We have the quadrennial change of presidents (or administrations) this year. And it has been a momentous societal change that has also brought up stiff resistance. The election of an African-American president has lanced the boil of racism in our country, and all the pus is spilling out. The poisonous thinking and beliefs held by many has become a daily part of the public lack of discourse. It took no less a moral force than former president Carter to name the elephant in the room. And today House speaker Pelosi talked about the violence that is born when this kind of talk is not merely condoned, but whipped up, by media clowns whose only responsibility is to their ratings.

Since the vast majority of these people are Christians, their communal review is generally around the secular new year. But I think of the words in the first blessing said every morning during the Shaharit service: “day after day You renew Creation.”

The celebration of the new year could be at any moment in any season. We have the communal celebrations of tradition that come down to us based on seasonal and agricultural reasons. Based on the position of the sun in relation to our orbit around it. The Jewish new year usually falls close to the autumn equinox. The Western secular new year falls close to the winter solstice. Both are moments of transition in our relationship to the light of day. Both remind us that time moves forward, that darkness falls and that light returns, in nature and for our planet at least. But clearly we can chose any time of the day or night, and any date on the calendar to review our lives.

As a (Buddhist) Jew, at this time of year I usually find myself in a synagogue reciting a prayer that takes responsibility — the communal confession of the Ashamnu and the Al Het. The prayer is not: “I lie, I steal…” but “We lie, we steal….” It is said with the understanding that as a community we are responsible for our words and our actions.

In my community, one of the phrases we say is “We are zealots for bad causes.” And we are all guilty of this at times.

This is certainly a time when the entire country would do well to do some self-examination.  Here though is the rub. True zealots don’t do this kind of self-examination. And this is the trap Jay Michaelson has fallen into in his recent essay in the Forward on losing his love for Israel.

Jay says that it is “exhausting to maintain my ambivalence.”  Zealots don’t face this kind of exhaustion. Their monomaniacal dedication to their cause energizes them around a single “truth.” But because Jay sees the multiple truths, and the insane zealots on the Israeli side, he loses his resolve.

I understand completely. But this is what happened to Hamlet. When faced with the opportunity to act, his doubts caused him to lose his resolve. And instead of avenging his father and killing his uncle cleanly, everyone ends up dead. As Arjuna stand before his cousins about to go to war with them, and has his doubts, understanding the full horror and moral ambiguity of the situation, Krishna schools him on taking action whole-heartedly.

I am not pretending that I am able to do this. I just recognize the peril of ambivalence.

I have seen how in our support for good causes we have come to mirror the faults of those we oppose. You can see this in Keith Olbermann, who is as guilty of simplification and manipulation of the facts as many on the right, he just happens to be on the side I agree with — I still find him annoying. And more tragically, we can see it in the way Israel betrays it's ideals by slowly becoming what it was founded in reaction against. But at the same time, to come back to the subject of the president and the racism spilling out across America, this is where I lose my patience with Obama. So it looks like he just stands there and takes the punches while the wing-nut right goes to town. He talks of bipartisanship in a city where one party has the knives out for him. It isn’t easy to do that. It is insanely reasonable (there’s a phrase for you). It’s, pardon the expression, Christian. 

It’s how he was able to go the Islamic nations and speak to their issues in ways anyone rarely speaks out (or can in their societies without fear of imprisonment or worse). And how he was able to tell Israel off on the subject of the settlements.

It’s how he was able to go to the black churches and say he supports lgbt rights while at the same time pushing back on the lgbt community, and pushing our buttons by embracing so-called religious figures we see as divisive if not simply outright hateful.

The thing that seems to give Obama his strength is just his ability to hold the tensions and see the ambiguities. He isn’t ambivalent in the face of these things. Psychologist Arnold Mindell has made a career of studying the ability to stand in this position and gain strength from it. He calls it Worldwork.

It’s a way of finding strength in admitting and opening to the individual and community failures, and committing listening deeply to the other. Listening to what’s under some of the insane words: the fears that aren’t spoken because they are more threatening, and speaking to them.

I won’t say Obama is a master of this at all. He enrages me much of the time, and disappoints me. And I worry that his insanely reasonable attitude will lose the next election. But at the same time, I have to admire his unwavering commitment to staying open. He said it in his recent speech to Congress when he offered to work with others who were willing to constructively work together even it meant compromise and conflict. He doesn’t shy from that. But he did say that he would move ahead without them if they weren’t willing to do the work.

He is the adult in the room. I don’t know what his spiritual path is. He spent time in a madrasah in Indonesia. He joined a church in Chicago. Like me, he may well be a boundary crosser. And I don’t know what his process of review and self-examination is. What I do know is that now is the time we in my traditional faith community spends in examination of ourselves as a community and individuals.  

I don’t have all the answers. I don’t have many of them. But I won’t let my misgivings over the real problems in Israel let me waver in my defense of it in the face of insane zealotry — both from within and without. Both against the haredi attacking the lgbt community and the surrounding countries attacking Israel’s right to exist. 

And in the meantime, I’ll spend the next ten days doing some of the spiritual work of the season, examining my intention, words and actions. But I have found the best season to do this work is always now. As the 10^th step of the 12 step tradition suggests: continue to take personal inventory, and when wrong, promptly admit it.

I'm sure I've offended many with this. Well, that assumes many have read this, and have even read this far, and I know better. This is part of my own writing out of my internal struggle with these issues, in the hope that I can act with equanimity if not zealous certainty. I hope this challenges you to do your work. I welcome your comments, and of course...

May you all have a new year that is both sweet and free of high fructose corn syrup.  

The LGBT Job Fair

Fair? No, it isn't fair. Life is not fair as President Kennedy once famously said. And it was heart breaking to see so many people on line all day to get in. The line went in both directions out from the Center — and towards the 7th Avenue side there were times it stretched around the corner.

There were so many gay men in suits, it could have been the Townhouse. But no one is carrying a resume there.

I'd never been to a job fair before. And I can't think of anything quite as discouraging. There were more than 40 companies with tables, each staffed with recruiters. They ran out of lists of available jobs early, so you'd have to wait on line just to learn if there was even anything appropriate to apply for. And of course, most of the jobs available were at the more junior level for all companies there. The numbers of people who were above 40 in the rooms was very high. Not to say there weren't young folks. There were lots of people who were clearly only recently out of school — and also without work. I have to admit, I didn't expect much for the kind of work I do and what I was looking for, but this was, at least for me, a very depressing event.

Incontinental Baths: The Pee Pee Dance

How is it that this gay man has lived in NYC all this time and never gotten FUCT? This wild comedy troupe will be performing this Saturday night at Joe's Pub, and after seeing this oddball clip and a few others on their youtube channel, I just have to go.

The Demographically Correct Homosexual: Adweek on the Upbeat GLBT Mood in a Down Economy

There is a corner of of the world where gay activism and gay consumerism meet in an alliance that believes money buys acceptance. This is the world of advertising. And today Adweek has published a new study from Witeck-Combs Communications and Harris Interactive that says:

"57 percent of GLBT respondents said they expect the economy to improve in the coming year, vs. 45 percent of the survey's heterosexuals. Moreover, 31 percent of gay and lesbian respondents said they think their own household's financial situation will improve during the next six months, vs. 24 percent of the heterosexuals." The usual reasons are trotted out for this (child-free households, though less true today than before) and some news ones are mentioned, including the Obama election (though with friends like these...).

I am not sure these pollsters spent any time on Fire Island this summer, where several houses went into foreclosure and rentals were off a good percentage. They believe that glbt people have been less affected by the downturn because we hold more white collar jobs, a questionable fact to say the least. Perhaps more gay men (as opposed to lesbians, bi folk and trans folk) feel secure enough in white collar environments to come out:

David Paisley, senior projects manager at Community Marketing. "But we have found that gays and lesbians tend to be overrepresented in careers such as education, healthcare and urban core professional careers. These jobs have been less affected by the recession than jobs like construction or manufacturing. In some ways, traditional gay and lesbian careers track closer to women as a whole in the U.S., and these types of jobs have experienced fewer job losses." He remarks that the pattern of unemployment has led some people to dub the current recession a "man-cession," since "it is traditional male jobs that have been hit the hardest. 'Will and Grace' have done much better in this recession."

I suspect the former employees of Men's Vogue might disagree. I suspect that the teachers at schools across the country seeing salary freezes or union givebacks would disagree — and the adjunct professors without tenure would disagree. Nurses would disagree. But this doesn't fit the desired storyline in selling our "market" to corporations. Because this sale is just as much an advertising strategy to win dollars from clients as it is a semi-political strategy on the part of the queer folk who do have white collar jobs — working for polling agencies.  

For many years there have been studies purporting to show that lgbt people earn more money and/or have a greater disposable income, so we are more attractive as a market for certain consumer goods. This study repeats this "fact" which applies overwhelmingly to white gay men in the professions:

"The GLBT market may be the last people on earth who can afford my product." That's in sync with what Combs has seen: "With more discretionary income, GLBTs can spend money on more luxuries than the average household."

Spare me.

It is certainly true that there was a time these studies were important, since the nascent local and national gay media struggled for advertising dollars (which is after all, the media model we follow in this country). But there is also the confusion that acceptance buy business in consumerist society is the same as social acceptance and a way to win political rights.

I have no idea where the economy is going, though I am certainly nowhere near as hopeful as this study suggests my brethren and sistren are. And I am not buying any luxury goods anytime soon. Wish I could, but nowadays I depend on freelance. The job market for this urban media professional is tougher than I've ever seen it — and I started in the biz in the recession of 1976. Will things get better? Sure. When? Beats me. What I do know is that the way the lgbt market is sold doesn't seem to change.

What the raid on the Eagle in Atlanta shares with Stonewall...

The business of gay bars in NYC in the 60s was very simple. They were run by organized crime, and the mob paid off the police so the bars wouldn't be raided. Of course the bars were raided, but this was part of an elaborate show put on for the media and to fool the public. You see, the bars would be raided in election years in the months before a city election to show that whoever was in office was tough on vice. The mob was always notified in advance. Their business would be closed for a day and then back. It was the lgbt people who suffered from these raids, since at the time, exposure for those who were not out could mean loss of job, and family.

So what time is it in Atlanta? It's time for city elections. And the one of the mayor's reelection campaign offices is right next door to the bar.

This sort of thing used to play well with a populace that didn't know any lgbt people. But Atlanta in 2009 is more liberal and knowing than NYC is 1969. How will this affect elections this year? Lets watch how candidates respond to this outrage.

Sunday Morning Film Preview: A Single Man

Tom Ford's film of Christopher Isherwood's novel, A Single Man just won honors at the Venice Film Festival, with Colin Firth, who plays the lead, winning a Lion for best actor. I'll go see any film with Julianne Moore, whether the subject matter is gay or not. Does that make me gay? Duh.

Here's the trailer:

You ask a lotta questions for a red-headed, left-handed, Jewish Buddhist advertising executive and gay activist from Brooklyn...

Years ago, when I asked to introduce myself and say something about myself at various gatherings — business conferences, gay men's conferences, academic meetings, synagogue groups, dharma groups — I would say...well, rather than type it in all over again, you already know from reading the header of this post. Not to mention the title of this blog.

Once at a poetry reading by Allen Ginsberg I asked him to sign my copy of his latest book with the inscription: From one queer Jewish Buddhist writer to another. He most graciously did.

So it was with great amusement that I learned today that the new biography of Representative Barney Frank (who was the guest of honor at a Stonewall Seder held at Cong. B'nai Jeshurun years back so I had the honor of sitting and dining with him before he spoke) will be called "Barney Frank: The Story of America's Only Left-Handed, Gay, Jewish Congressman."

Goes on sale September 30th. I wish I still feclt as positively about him today as I did in 1999. His calls for patience with Obama just don't cut it with me. Doesn't change his importance as a figure of change nationally though. And I am sure the book will be an interesting read.

Toronto Film Festival, Queer Israel, Palestinian Rights and Disordered Thinking

First an excerpt from an article by Hannah Brown in the Jerusalem Post about the controversy in Toronto with film maker John Greyson boycotting the festival there:

"...there has been a ridiculous flap over the Toronto festival's decision to feature a cinematic tribute to Tel Aviv in honor of that city's centennial, including films such as Assi Dayan's Life According to Agfa. Canadian director John Greyson chose to boycott the festival, withdrawing his 15-minute documentary about a festival for gays in Sarajevo. Greyson and others who support the boycott gave all the usual reasons, accusing Israel of apartheid and citing the war in Gaza and the occupation of the West Bank. If I had a hundred pages, I wouldn't have space to exhaust the ironies of anyone choosing to boycott a festival because he feels that showing such films as Assi Dayan's almost indescribably negative and bleak portrayal of Israel provides sparkling public relations for the country. This movie depicts Israelis as so deeply racist and irreparably corrupt, if Theodore Herzl could have seen into the future and caught a screening of it, he would have converted to Buddhism and retired to the Himalayas. Abused wives, exploited prostitutes, noble Palestinian mechanics and their lazy-slob Jewish bosses, and a selfish womanizer who trashes the lives of everyone around him are just a few of the characters featured in the other films planned for the tribute, including Danny Lerner's Kirot, Keren Yedaya's Jaffa, and Uri Zohar's Big Eyes. Eytan Fox's The Bubble is a thoughtful and, I think, generally underrated film about the culture clash that takes place when a gay Palestinian comes to live in one of Tel Aviv's chic, bohemian neighborhoods. However, anyone who would call The Bubble pro-Israeli propaganda, when it focuses on the Palestinian-Israeli conflict and has a hero who falls in love with a Palestinian, is so absurd as to defy any logic. It's quite possible that there is no other city in the world where mainstream (and often government-supported) filmmakers have been so staunchly and relentlessly critical of their government.

Now I am a big fan of Greyson's film Lilies, one of most interesting queer films ever made. But I find his thinking on this issue to be disordered. I am no apologist for the injustices in Israel. There are those who will point to the real danger to their lives that queer people face in the Islamic societies that surround Israel, and while this is true, you can't make grey while by comparing it to black. And Israeli society is grey to say the least. But it ain't black. As I've said before, I urge Mr. Greyson to show Lilies anywhere in the Palestinian territory. Or Egypt. Or Syria.

Meanwhile, the homoeroticism that seethes under the relationships between men in the orthodox world break through to the surface in a film that premiered in Cannes last spring, Eyes Wide Open. Will it make it to NYC? Has it found a distributor? Inquiring minds want to know. Here's a clip:

Yes, a film like this, despite the historically accurate cultural acceptance of homoerotic relations (though with an age difference that would not be accepted in the West) is something else I don't think we'll see coming out of Syria, Iran, Iraq or Saudi Arabia anytime soon, must less the Palestinian territory. The injustices suffered by Palestinians are real. The inequity in Israeli society, the growing religious intolerance and the rifts between the Jews of different cultures who've settled there make for a pressure cooker I can't imagine. I don't see how Mr. Greyson has added any light to the situation. Only heat. And that's the last thing anyone in the Middle East needs. Just my opinion.

I'm still standing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A couple of weeks back a storm hit New York City that tore through Central Park like a vandal, snapping trees like twigs and felling over 200 of them. The number of downed branches was even higher, and a walk through the park after the storm was heart breaking.

Because Tupelo meadow is my favorite place in Central Park, I was worried about the old Tupelo tree at the center of the meadow. It is held together by cables, so that the massive twisted branches do not succumb to age and gravity. But even the Parks Department doesn't feel entirely safe about this solution, so that the circumference of the tree's branch reach is surrounded by a wire fence to keep people from sitting directly under its delicious shade.

I was happy to see that the old Tupelo is still standing. And not a branch snapped off. Yesterday I enjoyed a picnic with two old friends under the tree. And I wanted to share some photos of this grand old chlorophyll based being with you.

You can see how green the meadow is due to our very wet summer. And while you can't see the fence that surrounds the tree, you can see the perimeter of greenery that grows along the fence border under the tree, since while the meadow is kept, under the tree all is wild.

From afar the greenery looks dense and almost impenetrable, but from the other side, and the underside, looking east, you can see the branch architecture of the tree and the sunlight streaming through:

In the 1970s I climbed those branches with a boyfriend. My friend Eric would weed the meadow, which was overgrown and wild with the neglect of the city in financial crisis. And the surrounding Ramble was much denser with underbrush before so many men had trampled it flat, denuding the park while denuding themselves (on a number of levels).

If you find yourself in the Ramble, go visit and stand before this tree under the cathedral sanctuary of its leaves. And say a prayer for the park, for the city and for the planet.

Sunday Morning Film Preview: From Beginning To End

Hat tip to Clive to alerted me to this rather steamy bit of film from a rehearsal of the Brazilian film, From Beginning To End. The trailer for the film, isn't available to embed, so you'll have to follow the link, but the rehearsal footage is below: