Another Queer Jewish Buddhist

Today is the 38th day of the counting of the Omer: Tiferet of Yesod

Tiferet is directly above Yesod on the tree. Yesod is very much about sexual connection. Tiferet is very much about heart and soul connection. When the driving force, the generative energy of Yesod is harnessed to Tiferet the energy flows up and down the tree in a way that makes impossible for any physical connection to occur that isn't heart opening and soul enhancing. Similarly, Yesod brings a deep connecting energy, a bonding energy to Tiferet that gives it strength. Yesod that is informed by Tiferet cannot go down the path of addiction.

The prayer that comes to mind with TIferet in Yesod is the prayer on the binding of tefillin, which is almost a wedding ceremony — the sacred inner marriage:

"I betroth you to me everlastingly, and I betroth you to me with righteousness and justice, and I betroth you to me with loving and compassion, and you will know the One Source of All."

Which makes this a very good time to propose marriage to your inner wisdom.

Today is the 37th day of the counting of the Omer: Gevurah of Yesod

Structured connection. Discipline in bonding. Awareness of boundaries and the laws of connection, psychic, physical, spiritual. The energy of physical connection, sexual connection, with an awareness of its spiritual component — another facet of Gevurah: awe. This is the erotic energy of pedagogy that stays within boundaries -- because erotic energy is not necessarily sexual. It's about connection on many levels that awakens a sensibility, and in the teacher/student relationship, the energy of Gevurah of Yesod channels the student's erotic energy into love of learning. May we all experience, and give honor to, such teachers.

Today is the 36th day of the counting of the Omer: Chesed of Yesod

Unbounded love bound tight to the beloved. Connection that is driven by the gush, the onrush of lovingkindness. Both Chesed and Yesod flow out, toward another. Chesed is undifferentiated, but Yesod finds something to connect to. And if you've been doing the work, that something or someone is a healthy choice. So the power of Chesed is fierce, strong and flowing in the right direction.

Of course, on the negative side, this is connection wtihout boundaries, an invasive caring that disempowers.

In some ways, Chesed of Yesod captures the two sides of a parental kind of love. Which have you known?

Today is the 35th day of the counting of the Omer: Malkhut of Hod

Of all the sources I've studied for this sefirotic pairing, I find the simplest, that of R. Simon Jacobson, to be the most fulfilling.

Of this day of nobility in humility he wrote "Walking humbly is walking tall." When one is secure in one's dignity, humility is natural. The analogous situation oddly enough is the heterosexual man who is so secure in his sexuality that he is completely comfortable with queer men — and isn't the least bit nervous about expressing his feelings for them. When you're secure in who you are, you are comfortable with others and who they are. And you have the humility to appreciate not only your own dignity but that of others.

Today is the 34th day of the counting of the Omer: Yesod of Hod

As the Scarecrow once said to Dorothy: Some people go both ways. Well, there are always at least two ways to look at the sephirotic energy of the day, and there is always a shadow side.

When we look at this energy positively, the connection that is forged in humility is a connection that allows the other to fully be who s/he is (without becoming a doormat yourself). This humility allows a full flowering of an US rather than two single Is. And it is a humility which recognizes the need for individual flowering on both sides, that the other needs to be separate. Or as Drs. Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks put it so well in their book Conscious Loving, everyone has what appears to be a contradictory need to be both together and alone — we need both in a rhythm that isn't always in sync with the other we are in relationship with. Healthy connection in humility recognizes this truth in self and other and celebrates it. Thus deepening the connection even when apart.

And then there's the other side. Because bonding can also be bondage. And humility can be such a pulling in it becomes humiliation. If this sounds like an S/M scene, it can certainly be that. This can be the dynamic in a relationship of domestic violence and abuse. In which connection is demanded and essential to have any sense of self. This is a toxic relationship.

So the questions for this day? Where do each of these dynamics come to play in your relationships? Do you go both ways? Which direction are you headed?

Today is the 33rd day of the counting of the Omer: Hod of Hod

The humility in humility.

Today is the 32nd day of the Omer: Netzach of Hod

The victory in humility. The endurance of splendor. The endurance in humility. When I think of endurance in humility I think of the steel within the non-violent resistance of M.K. Ghandi.  He said:

Civil disobedience means capacity for unlimited suffering

and

Disobedience to be civil implies discipline, thought, care, attention...Non-cooperation with evil is as much a duty as cooperation with good... Nonviolent action without the cooperation of the heart and the head cannot produce the intended result....All through history the way of truth and love has always won.  There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall, always.

Ghandi lived lived with great humility, yet not without dignity. He lived with great humility, but not without strength and courage. Humility isn't a doormat. And he notes that his practice of non-violent civil disobedience requires discipline in order to endure in the face of suffereing. But that within this humility is both endurance and victory.

This is what the Soulforce Equality riders experienced, and I honor them once again today on this day of Netzach in Hod.

Today is the 31st day of the counting of the Omer: Tiferet of Hod

An open heart is always full, but never full of itself. This is compassion in humility. An open heart knows how to put compassion into action in a way that is empty of self. (And not devoid of self at the same time, since this is a non-dual path.)

My friend Marion, another queer jubu, though I doubt she would approve of that label, sent me this teaching of the Sfas Emes on the counting of the Omer:

“like the beginning of this week's parsha ("Emor ..."), Sefiras Ha'omer is about achieving purity. Thus, in the tefila that we say after counting the Omer: ‘You commanded us to count the omer in order that we may be purified ...’ Our redemption from Egypt showed that we can achieve freedom from all desires and all commands other than those of HaShem. The Sfas Emes tells us that ‘freedom’ means exactly that: to be able constantly to do the will of HaShem.”

So in this understanding, empty of self means simply (or not so simply) that the ego has stepped out of the way, allowing us to be fully free for our actions to be in alignment with Divine Will.

As we purify ourselves through this practice of counting the Omer, if we are doing it well, this can be what will in fact happen as the heavens open on Erev Shavuot, and we receive a revelation of our Divine destiny. In other words, we will wake up to the divine in every moment.

And of course, like any flower, that awareness will open and close and open and close. We will wake and go back to sleep (regardless of Rumi's entreaties otherwise). And that is simply the natural order of things. Unless you're the Buddha. Or the Sfas Emes.

Today is the 30th day of the counting of the Omer: Gevurah of Hod

One of my favorite customs for the weeks of the counting of the Omer is the reading of Pirkei Avot -- best translated as The Wisdom of the Elders. Of course, the Jewish tradition wrote the elder women of our community out of the story, so these elders are all men. With that caveat, their wisdom is not to be denied.

There are 6 chapters in this work and the custom is to read one chapter of the book on each Shabbat between Passover and Shavuot. This week is chapter 4, and since it is also the week of Hod, there was a passage I found particularly appropriate for today, which is Gevurah of Hod. This is from the interpretation (rather than translation) of Rabbi Rami Shapiro:

Ben Zoma said:

Who is wise? One who learns from all:
"From my teachers I gained insight."

Who is strong? One who controls the self:
"Better to have self-control
than to conquer a city."

Who is rich? One who desires only what is given:
"When you eat the fruit of your labors,
be happy and it shall be well with you."

Who is honored? One who honors humanity:
"For I honor those who honor Me,
but those who spurn Me shall be dishonored."

For this day of Discipline in Humility, I can think of no better words than this reading. And there are few teachers today who  as able as R. Shapiro to cut to the heart of this teaching. If you follow the link above, you can download his own thoughts and meditations on counting the Omer on his site, free.

Today is the 29th day of the counting of the Omer: Chese of Hod

And so the week of Hod begins as I return from lobbying legislators in Albany for Marriage Equality. Hod, which can been seen as humility, gratitude, surrender. And interestingly, splendor. Splendor is the result of wrapping oneself in light, it is the spiritual or atzilutic effect of wrapping oneself in tallit with the proper intention. The Divine wraps ItSelf in the material world. Most of the time we never see this. But when we are filled with humility and gratitude for this world, when we surrender ourselves to it, we see the splendor arise naturally out of everything. This is the mystery of Hod. It is the expansive experience that is born of what might appear to be something constricting.

This first day in the week of Hod is, of course, Chesed. And when we are deep within Hod in its positive expression, Chesed, loving kindness and compassion arise naturally. When we sing our prayers of gratitude they become love songs to the Divine. But because Hod, like Gevurah, which it sits under in the tree, does indeed have some constriction in it, Chesed in Hod is not the overwhelming boundary-less love of Chesed itself. It is a loving empathy that doesn't overwhelm at all, it is simple loving presence that demands nothing.

Obviously, there can be a negative side to this. There is a shadow side to everything on the Tree. And with Hod one can fall into co-dependency roles, caretaker roles in life if the focus is entirely outward. So as with all compassion, we must remember it begins with ourselves. How can we practice Chesed in Hod with ourselves?