Another Queer Jewish Buddhist

Today is the 49th day of the counting of the Omer: Malkhut of Malkhut

The quality of Malkhut is that it received all that flows from above. It opens to the flow. And so it is associated with the Divine Feminine, the feminine aspect of the godhead, the Shekhinah. And today, as the last day of the count, having purified one's own spiritual receiver as best as one can, one opens to the flow of the Creator to receive one's revelation on the night of Shavuot, tomorrow.

As a queer man, I have always appreciated the odd feminizing of the "body of Israel" which has traditionally been defined as all the Jewish men of age. In this world, the body of Israel becomes the Bride of God on the night of Shavuot, opening to God the way a bride opens to her husband on the night they consummate their wedding. I love this, not only because of the queer implications, but because it recognizes that we must integrate the feminine, the divine marriage must happen within before the Holy One-ness will rest within the Mishkan of our body. This whole process of the count has been a journey towards wholeness, oneness within. And that only happens when we no longer reject the Goddess that live in all of us, but embody her as a way of receiving and loving the male god as well, since of course, originally we were created male and female.

So tune in your receivers. Or as the old bluegrass  tune goes:

Come and listen in to a radio station,
Where the mighty host of Heaven sing,
Turn your radio on  (turn your radio on),
Turn your radio on  (turn your radio on),
If you want to want to hear the songs of Zion,
Coming from the land of endless spring,
Get in touch with God  (get in touch with God)
Turn your radio on  (turn your radio on).



Chorus
Turn your radio on  (turn your radio on)
And listen to the music in the air,
Turn your radio on  (turn your radio on)
And glory to share  (glory share)
Turn the lights down low  (lights down low)
And listen to the Master's Radio,
Get in touch with God  (get in touch with God)
Turn your radio on.

Brother, listen in to the gloryland chorus,
Listen to the glad hosannahs roll,
Turn your radio on  (turn your radio on)
Turn your radio on  (turn your radio on)
If you want to feel those good vibrations
Coming from the joy God's love can bring,
Get in touch with God  (get in touch with God)
Turn your radio on.

Chorus
Turn your radio on  (turn your radio on)
And listen to the music in the air,
Turn your radio on  (turn your radio on)
And glory to share  (glory share)
Turn the lights down low  (lights down low)
And listen to the Master's Radio,
Get in touch with God  (get in touch with God)
Turn your radio on.

Today is the 47th day of the counting of the Omer: Hod of Malchut

This is the exquisite balance of independent authority without ego. This is sovereignty without will, but with Will. This is a day of gratitude for all one has received. A day of recognize and give thanks for this practice, knowing what the gift of this discipline has given in the last 46 days.

In 12-step programs, step 4 requires taking a fearless moral inventory. One of the interesting things about that practice is that the inventory includes considering one's gifts, one's talents, one's good qualities and moral uprightness. Many of us, in false humility (and low self-esteem) would run to the other side, listing faults. However this facet of the step is about true humility, accepting one's good judgment and one's dignity with humility and with gratitude to a Higher Power. In many ways, this day, Hod of Malchut, captures this element of the step.

Today is the 46th day of the counting of the Omer: Netzach of Malchut

This final Shabbat before Shavuot is Netzach of Malchut, a time of looking at what truly endures in the world; what we do that really has lasting significance. What calls forth our endurance as we work towards tikkun olam.

I think back on those who in 1971 showed up at the office of the New York City clerk, and in a "zap," took the place over, telling people that the only marriage licenses that would be issued that day would be fore same-sex couples. Visionary men of the Gay Activist Alliance, who before anti-discrimination laws had been passed were already pushing for full marriage equality. Imagine how things would be different if we had gone back into the closet when Anita Bryant tried led her crew to defeat us. Imagine what would have happened if in the face of a new plague we hid under the covers instead of actively taking on the government and the medical establishment. I think about the fact that "coming out" is an every day affair since people who first met others presume the default sexuality: hetero, and how this means we endure and prevail on an ongoing basis. Being queer has its challenges, but I am proud of this community and how it is endured in the last 100 years, and I know we will see full equality in this world. This is some of the work of tikkun, and it calls for Netzach of Malchut.

Today is the 45th day of the counting of the Omer: Tiferet of Malchut

The one whose heart stays open (and brokenly whole, holy broken) while remaining sovereign, the one whose independence and self-possession does not shut down his compassion, the one who sets an example of leadership through compassionate action in the world — this is the one we strive to realize within ourselves on this day.

Tomorrow I'm off to Nehirim, amazingly for the first time. Reports back from the weekend on Sunday night.

Today is the 44th day of the counting of the Omer: Gevurah of Malchut

The Discipline of Soveriegnty. Which is the most loving form of self-discipline there is. In some ways, this is about taking on a spiritual discipline, and in the Jewish tradition, one such discipline is that of the mitzvot. There are all these commandments. Do this. Don't do that. Don't mix this. Eat that. Takes discipline. This is where the discipline becomes a self discipline that trains the will, small "w" to get out of the way of the Will, capital "w." And oddly enough, when one's willfulness is gone, and one is in alignment with Divine Will, one has reached the highest level of self-discipline and the experience of Gevurah of Malchut, right here and now, in this world as we live it.

Today is the 43rd day of the counting of the Omer: Chesed of Malchut

The final stretch. The week of the Shechinah, Malchut, the immanence of the Divine as we can experience It in this world. And within ourselves as able to receive the bounty of the Divine.

Receiving is the quality of Malchut, of the Shechinah, the Divine Feminine. This is the metaphor of the Divine Marriage in Judaism, in which God is the male partner, and the people Israel, in total, is the female partner receiving the outflow of the Divine Essence. The very customs of Shavuot reflect this, with the Torah read underneath a chuppah — a marriage canopy — and spoken of as a ketubah, the marriage contract. And of course, the word kabbalah mean receiving. This is the week, if we have done our work well in the previous six weeks, in each day we receive  one of the Divine qualities in as much purity as the limited reception mechanisms of our body/mind/spirit can hold without breaking.

Today is the day of Chesed in Malchut. It is a day of expressing kindness that springs out of one's authentic self. Because Malchut is also about authenticity and (as sovereignty) authority, this is a compassion that defines and delineates one's qualities of leadership.

Today is the 42nd day of the counting of the Omer: Malchut of Yesod

Looking at Yesod as generative energy, this is where that energy manifests itself in the world, Malchut. So this is a day of creativity and flow.

Looking at the shadow side of Yesod, that is a desire to connect that has an addictive quality to it, this is a day when sexual expression might be, as the Buddhists put it, unskillful.

Considering the Superglue bonding aspect of Yesod as it is mediated by the Sovereignty of Malchut, it's a day to examine one's relationships and see how deep connection actually enables greater individual strength and expression on both sides.

As we head into the final week of the counting of the Omer, the meditations become more intense. This final meditation on Yesod ends of course in Malchut. And then very next day will pick up in the week of Malchut, so that all this work must be realized in the here and now, on the earthly plane in our day to day living. Inner activism fails when it does not actively change one's experience of the world. Inner activism fails if it does not simultaneously work to heal the world. So from this day on, the question every day includes, what am I doing to bring my spiritual truth into the world? Without this action, there is no revelation on Shavuot.

Today is the 41st day of the counting of the Omer: Yesod of Yesod

If you've been reading my comments on the Omer you know I've written about the addictive side of Yesod. Today however, Yesod of Yesod, is a day to consider Somerset Maugham's last word on the subject: Only connect. It is all about the heart, but connection takes guts, courage, surrender, discipline, compassion -- in fact all of the qualities that lead up to Yesod. When all are present the connection is as deep as a that between a mother and a newborn child, almost cellular. How can we experience this in our relationships? I don't have an answer, I only have a goal. Only connect.

Today is the 40th day of the counting of the Omer: Hod of Yesod

There's a saying that's been going around the "New Age" and recovery communities for years: Would you rather be right or would you rather be in relationship? One reading of this sefirotic permutation is Surrender to Connection -- the place where being in relationship is more important than one's own ego or being right. The place where the "I" surrenders to the "us."

And because surrender is essential to let God in, when one surrenders in relationship it's an opportunity to let holiness into the relationship as well. The surrender is also to the connecting energy of Yesod, which in its positive form is like the thrust upward of the shoot out of a seed towards the light. It has the power to break through granite. Because it is a power that comes from, and seeks to return to, God, as God (or whatever you wish to call IT) seeks to know itself. When we surrender to this energy, we get out of the way and let it happen. We have no control over it, and thus that takes us to the other reading of Hod: humility. Inasmuch as we have no control over it, we have to remember that there's no reason to be proud of this connection. In fact, pride stops up the flow.

Or as I've heard it said in some rooms I've been in: Let go and let God.

Today is the 39th day of the counting of the Omer: Netzach of Yesod

I like to think of this day in the count as the day of spiritual superglue: Yesod is about connection of course, an intense bonding experience. But of course, one can be bonded to something that you really don't want to be connected to. Sort of like when Sidney Poitier and Tony Curtis found themselves handcuffed together in The Defiant Ones (of course, the idea of Tony Curtis and handcuffs isn't necessarily something I find unappealing, but i digress...). At least at the start of this movie, these men were bound together (without recognizing their real bond at first) and it was intolerable. With Netzach, one can endure bonding. Because we all want closeness and commitment, but it ain't easy. Sometimes it feels like we're handcuffed to Tony Curtis (there I go again) when we don't want to be. With Netzach, one has the spiritual  strength to endure the closeness and intense connection of Yesod. With Netzach we can live up to our commitment in marriage, in friendship, despite the many challenges we face.