Another Queer Jewish Buddhist

Better than Jesus on toast: Satan in your spaghetti!

From BBDO Dusseldorf comes the proof that in cuisine, presentation is indeed everything:

This could be an ongoing theme: best penis quote of the day!

The ongoing Chinese food scandals have now rocked the U.K. sex toy market. Seems that melamine in dangerous levels has been found in a chocolate flavoring used to make the sucking all the sweeter. A spokesman for the British Food Standards Agency, in alerting the nation to this clear and present danger, said:

"We’ve never had to put out an alert before on 'willy spread' – chocolate-flavoured or otherwise."

Even better, Ann Summers, the owner of the  sex toy chain (and of course, chains are sex toys) gave me even more of a laugh with this quote:

"As a responsible retailer we have tested all of our chocolates and even before the FSA alert was issued had taken all relevant steps to remove the chocolate willy spread product that could be affected by this issue."

Just how are they testing the willy spread? And do they need help?

What's a QWERTY keyboard without an Option or Command Key: A Typewriter!

This lovely little ad for M&Ms utilized the ubiquitous qwerty keyboard to sell the candy maker's ability to produce custom candies. Except that the keyboard shown is rather retro — after all, without Control, Option, or Delete we're looking at the keyboard that could only be found on one of those marvelous old Royals, Olivettis, Coronas, not to mention Olivers, Hammonds and Empires. And of course, it will require a new slogan: Melts in your mouth, not on your fingertips.

Homophobia & Advertising: Bob Garfield's Column

Ad Age columnist Bob Garfield sent an open letter in his column to the CEO of one of the top agency holding companies, accusing the network of homophobia in several campaigns. He wrote:

"Stop the dehumanizing stereotypes. Stop the jokey violence. There is no place in advertising for cruelty. Pull the campaign. Do it now."

Strong language. And I have to say, the Snickers campaign, which was roundly pilloried when it broke during the Super Bowl (a ritual of homo erotic masculinity that requires homophobic expression to distract us from the obvious), continues to be abhorrent. It glorifies homophobic violence, and Garfield says of the newest addition to the campaign that:

"your commercial is just a cartoonish recapitulation of {Matthew Shepard's] brutal murder"

Strong words. It is heartening to see heterosexual columnists take offense and speak up. Of course, to pin this on the CEO of the holding company seems a little too much. The CEO of the offending agencies? Sure. They are responsible. And bringing to the attention of the holding company isn't a bad thing. Pressure from the outside to an agency is one thing. Pressure from the holding company — that's serious.

Perhaps even more fascinating are the reader comments — there are lots. If you're interested in reading real opinions from people in the ad biz on the subject of homophobia in media, this is a goldmine of information.

But let's stop for a minute to analyze just what is going on in this new Snicker's spot. First we see a blond man with soft features speed walking down a suburban street. The camera cuts to a rear view and rests for a few precious TV seconds on his wiggling butt.

Next, a vehicle with Mr. T. crashes through a house and follows the walker while Mr. T harangues him for being a "disgrace to the man race." Visually we see the machine gun from the POV of the shooter (very video game, because of course this is targeted at insecure teen boys and young men who need to be reassured about their masculinity — after all, there is nothing more masculine than playing with a computer right?) pointed directly at aforesaid butt.

Uhhhh, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. But in this case? Not. Just more subconscious homosexual desire expressed in violence.

But this is where Garfield is dead on the money — the spot makes a violent response to inner desires that are unacceptable, acceptable. And that's unacceptable. One commenter points out that regardless of the agency, the clients bought off on this. So as much as I may love chocolate, Mars doesn't get any of my money. And I'm sure GLAAD will consider some action around this:

Yep, that's pretty damn bad. So while the holding company Mr. Garfield accuses does in fact treat its gay employees very well, this is seriously uncool. There are different opinions in the business classically about our influence.

One of my heroes, Bill Bernbach, one said:

"All of us who professionally use the mass media are the shapers of society. We can vulgarize that society. We can brutalize it. Or we can help lift it onto a higher level."

David Ogilvy, who believed that humor in advertising was a mistake, said:

"Advertising reflects the mores of society, but it does not influence them."

The truth lies somewhere in between. Nevertheless, I hold with Bernbach.

 

The Plight of the Bumblebee: Viral Ad Campaign That Leaves A Bitter Taste

Häagen Dazs has placed an entertaining if somewhat long video on YouTube to drive viewers to a site about the urgent problem of colony collapse and mass die-offs of bees.

The die off is just another sign that we are destroying our environment, and that the system that supports our own food chain is in serious danger. But that’s not why I bring up the campaign.

As an advertising creative, I get frustrated when an interesting and fun idea to publicize an important issue is ruined by poor user experience. Just another sign that the social network environment is being polluted by poorly thought through work.

At least the video is fun. But if you decide to go to the site, helpthehoneybee.com it’s first and foremost a site for Häagen Dazs, that requires yet another click to if you want to do something to help.  So once you click again, you get another introductory screen, no product this time, but you still have to click again to “join the mission.” To top it off, loading time is for the animation is slow and the show isn't worth the wait. But I waited for two reasons — first because the cause interests me. And of course out of professional intereste.

So finally we get to a page with bees in a field and a hive menu that takes yet another minute to reveal itself. Finally there is a choice that says “How You Can Help.” First time I click on it, all I get is an instruction to explore the meadow. Tells me that different plants and flowers are important. Stop the presses on this news. So I try the “How You Can Help” menu again.

This time it takes me to some copy that offers me a lesson plan (I didn’t see where this was directed to teachers, but okay) and several other paths to take: Plant a Seed, Donate, Help The Beekeepers, and Tell A Friend.

Seems donating might be something to do to help. Click there and you learn Häagen Dazs is giving money to two universities to study the problem. And you can too. Okay, so if you decide to donate to Penn State you’re sent to a Penn page that doesn’t refer to bees at all. You’re just giving money to the university. Not very satisfying. But you’ve taken a lot of time to learn that Häagen Dazs is giving money to solve this problem. They could have told me that at the end of the video. Well. What else?  Okay, if you click back on the main menu to learn what else they are doing they repeat the donation claim, and then mention their new ice cream flavor, Vanilla Honey Bee.

Tell A Friend? Here is at least a fun viral component where you get to design your own cool looking bee and send it to friends so they can learn Häagen Dazs is giving money on a slow and clunky site. Not very original, but cute nonetheless. Why do I feel Ben & Jerry would have done a better job?

Good idea. Lame execution. And I don't feel that I've helped the bees in any way. I feel I've taken a long time for a PR message. Not so sweet guys.

Sunday Afternoon at Splash Bar's Wet T-Shirt Contest

Okay, not really Miss Thingyan. These are photos from the annual ThinGyan New Year's Water Festival celebrated by the Burmese community in New York City down on Henry Street on the Lower East Side. Great noodles. Deliciously cold iced orchid tea. And lots of water from super soakers and silver bowls splashed around for good luck in the new year. There was also entertainment — traditional dance troupes and singers from the more than 30 different ethnic groups that make up the Burmese nation. And while most of the men were in those sexy sarongs called longyi, this young man had to endure the heat, and dance, in this traditional fashion statement.

There was also a fund raiser raffle to raise money for the victims of Hurricane Nargis. The day turned out to be a GLYNY Again mini-mini reunion, since I went to the festival with John Chiafalo, the 4th Chair of Gay Youth in the early 70s, and Mark K., who is the GLYNY Again archivist (which is not so different from the position he held in GLYNY in the mid 80s).

Afterward we were good and soaked...well just a little sprinkled...we headed uptown for another ethnic celebration by an exotic culture. Yes, it was the Bastille Day celebration on East 60th Street, where there were many delicious desserts, including this handsome young fellow in a balloon version of a revolutionary tricorner:

Ah, New York City. Why would one want to live anywhere else in the world?

Drag in Advertising: Trannie Dogs?

It's a tried and true technique to put opposing visual elements together in an ad to get attention. The idea is that while the visual will shock, it will also say something positive about the product that makes it memorable in a good way. I would say that the Spanish agency that created this ad for an Alsatian beer did not succeed. Then again, since the headline reads: "German character, French refinement. The original Alsatian beer." perhaps the Spanish were thumbing their nose at their EU neighbors at the client's expense. I always thought William Wegman's weimaraner looked sad. But that was nothing to the unfortunate look on this poor pooch's pug. Like a bad drag queen, it just doesn't work. Which suggests the beer won't either.

Happy 117th Birthday Colonel Sanders

No, this is not the Colonel Sanders mummy. It is one of a number of cast statues of Harland Sanders that were kept at the KFC warehouse across the street from my apartment in Tokyo. Though perhaps someday, when the relics of our civilization are dug up by some future race they will look at these statues and decide that, much as museum curators say of anything they dig up that they don't know what it is, it was used for ritual purposes. And with the colonel, to a degree, they'd be right.

"I've often thought that I would like...

...to be the saddle of a bike."

This little couplet is attributed to the great 20th Century queer poet W.H. Auden.

It sprang to my mind when I came across this old print ad in an issue of Life Magazine from 1952, since it seemed to this, uh, jaundiced eye, that the visual seemed to capture some time warp cruising.

Yes: "other times, other tastes" indeed.

I just love the copy here: "...I ought to know, it's Blatz, Blatz, Blatz, wherever you go."

What an infelicitous name for a product. Sounds more like an onomatopoetic name for a laxative. Who knows, that might have been a side effect of this product.

I shouldn't poke fun. This product actually still exists, and has its own fan website. I've just never been a beer drinker of any sort. I just find myself in agreement with Auden's sentiments — until I think of the opening scene of John Waters' Desperate Living where Mink Stole's husband is smothered under the enormous butt of their housekeeper.

No. I suppose the lines of Auden that most inspire me, especially since this post goes up as I am taking the sea air in Cherry Grove, are from another poem attributed to him: A Day for a Lay. And whether he wrote it or not, it sure is a fun read.

What's the point of a revolution without general copulation?

Two days to Bastille Day. The day when French means losing head instead of giving it. And when are we going to see a serious revival of Marat/Sade?

In the meantime, celebrate the political movement that gave the world the metric system with dinner at Restaurant Florent. Oh yes, and that fine film of Dickens' Tale of Two Cities starring heart throb Ronald Colman. "Tis a far, far better thing I do..." The frames by the way, are from the comic book that first taught me all about the French Revolution, a gem from Classics Illustrated. American manga lost to history.