Another Queer Jewish Buddhist

Day 32: Netzach of Hod, four weeks and four days of the Omer

For today's sefirotic combination, Endurance in Humility, it's good to look at the suit of Pentacles. The 7 card captures the endurance required of a gardener — not only over the course of one season, but over the course of many seasons for a garden to grow and flourish. This is not only endurance, but patience and love.

The 8 card, Humility is often described as an image of an apprentice — someone who works for a master of a trade and learns from that master with true humility. That true humility does not discount that talent and ability that brings the apprentice to the master in the first place. It is an acknowledgment of the need for direction and guidance coupled with respect for the master who gives that guidance as a spiritual path. For both the master and the apprentice are in a spiritual relationship that enables both to grow. In a sense, they are equals — one has simply gone further down a path and can help the other on the way.

I have seen this at work in Japan, where master potters take on apprentices. Like the apprentice in the 8 of Pentacles, these "deshi" make the same object again and again, learning the perfection of the form. Because they work for the master, if the form is not acceptable, it is destroyed. If it meets the standard, the master signs it. When the apprentice is ready, he or she starts out on his own, and at that point will begin the artistic variations that will make the work truly theirs. But first the form is learned from the inside.

Imagine how it might feel to have someone else sign something that was the work and sweat of your hands. And consider how that form is not only the result of your work, but the training you are given by a teacher. That the form would not exist without that training. This is humility that is also gratitude.

So what is endurance in humility. Well, I can only speak for myself here, as a Westerner who has a great deal of trouble with the system I just outlined above. Because while I understand it, and can respect it. And while I have even attempted it in my studies as an amateur potter and ikebana student in Japan, I am a rebellious American, a New York Jew and thus somewhat, uh, argumentative shall we say? I may take on the role of apprentice, and pledge to myself and a master the discipline of humility. But my endurance in this discipline is weak. Which is perhaps why I've never been a very good gardener either.

What is your relationship to apprenticeship and humility?

Thirty days and counting four weeks and two days of the Omer — Gevurah of Hod

Awe and Humility. Awe and Surrender.

Just as one of the facets of Netzach is Victory, one facet of Hod is Surrender. Another is Humility. On this day of Gevurah of Hod, I would like to consider the quality of Awe in Gevurah as opposed to Discipline or Structure.

The ability to feel awe is in direct relationship to one's ability to feel humility. When one has an encounter with the truly awesome, humility and surrender are natural responses. So is terror. Let's remember that awe full and awful share some things. And certainly an experience of the Divine in the guise of Gevurah can be both those things since another of its facets is Law, Judgement.

When we are in a place of true humility we do not judge. But this is humility and surrender in the face of the Divine. What about humility and surrender to a human teacher — a guru for example.

The is where another facet of Gevurah of Hod must come forward, that is using discriminating intellgence before surrendering to a teacher. While we must surrender the ego on the path, we don't do so indiscriminately. So for this day's Omer count, I turn to the Buddha's words when speaking on the subject of using disciplined thinking and discriminating intelligence born of real experience in evaluating human teachers:

THE PEOPLE of the small town Kalama complained that they were confused by contradictions they discovered in what they heard from various teachers who praised their own doctrines. They asked Buddha, who was staying in the town then, who to believe out of all who, like himself, passed through their town:
      "Venerable Sir, some recluses and brahmins visited this town and praised only their own doctrines, but condemned and despised those of others. And it is common that they do so. Sir, who among them told the truth and who told falsehood?"
      Buddha advised them, saying, "Kalama people, it is proper for you to doubt and to have perplexity [under such circumstances, when [great] doubt has arisen in a doubtful matter."
      He went on to instruct that it is wise to make a proper examination before committing. He said this was to be applied to his own teachings as well. The benefit is: not being too bound by unverifiable propositions, hopefully.
      In Pali, Buddha's reply is recorded thus:

Ma anussavena.
  Do not believe something just because it has been passed along and retold for many generations. [Simpler: Do not be led by what you are told.]

Ma paramparaya.
  Do not believe something merely because it has become a traditional practice. [Do not be led by whatever has been handed down from past generations.]

Ma itikiraya.
  Do not believe something simply because it is well-known everywhere. [Do not be led by hearsay or common opinion.]

Ma Pitakasampadanena.
  Do not believe something just because it is cited in a text. [Do not be led by what the scriptures say]

Ma takkahetu.
  Do not believe something solely on the grounds of logical reasoning. [Do not be led by mere logic.]

Ma nayahetu.
  Do not believe something merely because it accords with your philosophy. [Do not be led by mere deduction or inference.]

Ma akaraparivitakkena.
  Do not believe something because it appeals to "common sense". [Do not be led by considering only outward appearance.]

Ma ditthinijjhanakkhantiya.
  Do not believe something just because you like the idea. [Do not be led by preconceived notions (and the theory reflected as an approval)]

Ma bhabbarupataya.
  Do not believe something because the speaker seems trustworthy. [Do not be led by what seems acceptable; do not be led by what some seeming believable one says.]

Ma samano no garu ti.
  Do not believe something thinking, "This is what our teacher says". [Do not be led by what your teacher tells you is so.]

Kalamas, when you yourselves directly know, "This is [these things are] unwholesome, this is blameworthy, this is condemned or censured by the wise, these things when accepted and practised lead to poverty and harm and suffering," then you should give them up.
      Kalamas, when you yourselves directly know, "These things are wholesome, blameless, praised by the wise; when adopted and carried out they lead to well-being, prosperity and happiness," then you should accept and practise them."

Gautama Buddha, Kesaputti Sutta, 5th sutta (sutra) in the Book of Threes (Mahavagga) in the Gradual Sayings (Tika Nipata).

The Pali text runs like this: "Etha tumhe Kalama. Ma anussavena, ma paramparaya, ma itikiraya, ma pitasampadanena, ma takkahetu, ma nayahetu, ma akaraparivitakkena, nid ditthinijjhanakkhantiya, ma bhabbarupataya, ma samanro no garu ti." [Bht 284]

Day 28 — Four weeks of the Omer — Malchut of Netzach

The ten of Swords is one of those dramatic cards — people see the image in a reading and get upset/become afraid. Students of Tarot like to say that it's nothing to be afraid of, that the card is about the death of something we need to let go of — a defense, an outworn belief, or the thing that really doesn't want to die, the ego. Nothing to be afraid of. Yes, but have you ever noticed a defense going without some furious resistance? There's a reason this thing that needs to die has ten swords sticking out of its back! It's strong, and hard to kill. Sort of like a psychological or spiritual Freddy Krueger, it's not gonna die. Like Rasputin, it will have to be shot again and again before it's really dead, if it ever really is.

So what does this have to do with Malchut of Netzach, the Sovereignty of Endurance? The situation that comes to mind for me with this sefirotic combination is one mentioned earlier: a Vipassana sitting of addithan, a sitting of resolute determination.

Vipassana means to see things clearly, and when you sit with your legs crossed without moving for hours at a time you see some things very clearly. You see your body/feel your body in pain and suffering — and you see your mind's reaction to this suffering. If you're really focused, you can see the shadow in the 7 of Swords trying to undermine your resolve; you can see you mind replaying old hurts and defenses, a stance of defensiveness in the world as seen in the 7 of Wands.

These are the habit patterns of the mind that are pierced with the discriminating insight of the 10 of Swords. And when these habit patterns are seen and recognized for what they are, they die a little. Sometimes we have to learn to recognize them again and again before they totally die. Sometimes we only need to see these housebuilders only once. But once we have seen them, and are no longer enslaved to them, we are truly the sovereign of our soul, we are transformed, free.

This is the level of endurance that is called for in Malchut of Netzach. And the reward is hte ability to see the false idols and golden calves in our own lives. To recognize them for what they are, and in so doing, take their power away; consciously integrating that power into our lives.

May we all have the power to endure seeing our demons, may we have the strength and insight to endure and tranform our suffering, our bread of affliction, into the journey to freedom, consciousness and spiritual responsibility.

Keyn yehi ratzon.    

The 23rd Day: 3 weeks and two days of the Omer — Gevurah of Netzach

Discipline in Victory is one way to approach this energy. The first thing I thought of around these words were the Marshall Plan, the discipline with which the Allies rebuilt Europe after WWII. And thinking of this in opposition to the punitive victory of WWI.

Another way to think about the energy of the day is the Discipline of Endurance. In a ten day vipassana meditation retreat, meditators are asked to follow a code of discipline, and eventually, to learn endurance by sitting for certain periods of time without any movement whatsoever. Simply sitting and watching the mind's reaction to the body's sensations with equanimity. This is called a sitting of adhitthana, that is, of resolute determination. It sounds painful, and it can truly be painful. But it can also lead to a transcendence of pain and suffering, it can lead to a depth of understanding of suffering that frees you. I cannot be explained, it can only be experienced.

With that, I'd like to include a short Hasidic tale of resolute determination in a discipline:

A Haisd of the Rabbi of Lubin once fasted from one Sabbath to the next. On Friday afternoon he began to suffer such a cruel thirst that he thought he would die. He saw a well, went up to it, and prepared to drink. But instantly he realized that because of one brief hour he had still to endure, he was about to throw away the work of the entire week. He did not drink and went away from the well.

Then he was touched by a feeling of pride for having passed this difficult test. When he became aware of it, he said to himself, “Better I go and drink than let my heart fall prey to pride.” He went back to the well, but just as he was going to bend down to draw water, he noticed that his thirst had disappeared.

So may we all learn to free ourselves from both desire and pride through discipline, endurance, clear sight, and compassion.

Twenty One Days: 3 weeks of the Omer — Malchut of Tiferet

Malchut, as the tenth of the sefirot, is the culmination of them all, and is often looked at Sovereignty or Dignity. However, it is also the sefira that is about manifestation on the earthly plane of this world, which is a world of imperfection. For this reason, I will take a bit of a different interpretation from the classic look at the energy of the day and suggest that this is where we look at the limits of our compassion. In the world we live in, our own compassion is going to be imperfect. Because the truth is that we are not realized beings. And we are not even sovereign in our own lives. When we recognize this, really get it at our core, we can also have some compassion for ourselves in our imperfection, as we work to the best that we can to bring compassion into the world in the causes we bring our limited and imperfect powers to.

In Christian Kabbala, Tiferet is identified with the sacred heart of Christ — an open wound that takes on the suffering of the world. In Malchut of Tiferet, we are aware of that suffering, we feel it because we are not separate from it. However, we bear our own suffering with dignity, and as we work to lessen the suffering of others, we do nothing to lessen their diginity.

Taking the Precepts: Queer Monastics in Thailand

It is customary in Thailand for a young man to enter a monastery for some time. It brings honor on the family, and it's considered good training for the mind. Of course, like any society, the custom can devolve and become meaningless form. Just look at the vast majority of bar mitzvah parties in the United States. However, the issue has reached the media's attention in Thailand, as novices who in their secular lives are gay or transgendered, don't leave their sexuality, like their shoes, at the temple door.

The Bangkok Post reports that a "guide to proper behavior" is being promulgated to counter:

"reports of unconventional behaviour by monks in public, including using cosmetics, carrying pink bags and readjusting their robes for a fashionable look.

Some allegedly even had sex in their sleeping quarters, a severe sin under the code of conduct which incurs forced defrockment.

The course will be taught as a prototype at the Triam Sammanen school - the country's first Buddhist missionary school, located in the compound of Wat Krueng Tai in Chiang Rai's Chiang Khong district."

When a monk or novice takes the precepts, celibacy is one of the agreements. A young novice joins a monastery for three months. Similarly, when one becomes a monk, the hair is shaved, and one takes the robes — it involves an erasing of a kind of individuality as  a way of learning humility and to tame the ego. This is the practice.

Makeup. Fashion. Sexual expression. That's for outside. Inside, it's time for inner exploration and taming the mind's wildness, taming the ego's sense that it is all there is.

There have also been some rather scandalous goings on — abbots having affairs for example. Of course, this is nothing new anywhere in the world. Clerics are, after all, human. Great teachers from Krishnamurti to Trungpa Rinpoche are known to have suffered from these failings, not to mention the more hypocritical among them, the Haggards and his ilk.

When hyprocrisy is the order and boundaries are violated, it is a serious issue. But we all struggle, and no one can judge.

Seventeen days, making two weeks and three days of the Omer: Tiferet Squared

As the Scarecrow said to Dorothy, "Of course, some people do go both ways."

So here we are on the 17th Day: Tiferet of Tiferet, the heart of compassion. And once again, what better image to call up than Avalokiteshvara / Kuan Yin.

Well, I guess most Jews would disagree, given that this is, after all, a graven image!

But I am more concerned with the principle, the meaning, not the statue itself.

Previously I mentioned the fact that in the movement of Buddhism from India further east to China and Japan, the boddhisattva transformed from male to female.

Some see this as Compassion That Transcends Duality. And that feels like the right energy for this day in the Omer count.

This is a compassion that calls us out of our old patterns, to free us from the slavery of creating enemies. Nice work if you can get it. But as Gershwin wrote, you can get it if you try.

Today is 15 days, which is two weeks and one day of the Omer

Into the week of Tiferet. Where John Keats would feel right at home:

'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.'

Of course, the Jews of the Kingdom of Israel during the time of the Maccabees would be horrified at the quote, given that it is inspired by a Grecian Urn. Well, I suppose given the nature of this blog that would be the least thing they'd be horrified by.

But Tiferet is the intersection of Truth and Beauty. It is also known as Compassion, which connects it to the Boddhisatva Kuan Yin, who is female in China and Japan, and known as the beautiful male youth Avalokiteshvara in India, Nepal and Sri Lanka. Kuan Yin is the expression of today's sefirotic energy, Chesed in Tiferet: Lovingkindnes in Compassion. So I found it rather amusing that at both Andrew Sullivan's blog, as well as on Joe.My.God there was a link to a video of Chinese dancers in an homage to Kuan Yin. And not one to run from the energy of the day, here it is for your pleasure — it's quite amazing:

Todays is the 10th day, which is one week and three days, counting the Omer: Tiferet of Gevurah

Yesterday, I wrote about ikebana and discipline in my discussion of Gevurah in Gevurah. Today is Tiferet in Gevurah, and one way of looking at this sefirotic relationship is the Beauty of Form. Or Beauty expressed through Discipline. So once again, the example of ikebana seems appropriate. Or indeed truly any art form, with the accent on form. After all, a sonnet is as highly formalized as a haiku. So today is a good day to meditate on the demands of a discipline and how it channels our creativity and enables us to bring beauty into the light.

Alternatively, the energy of this day can also be considered as a time for expressing the compassion of discipline. I think of the advice given in the 12-step world: Easy does it. This is a recognition that someone in recovery needs to be easy on him or herself. After all, there is much internalized shame and judgement when one is in recovery. And there is no perfection in recovery. Simply recognizing that we are all human, that we all fall, is to experience compassion for ourselves, and for all those who fall once, or again and again. (This is not excuse making or abrogating responsibility, it is the simple recognition of that there is no perfect form)

Today is 9 days, which is one week and two days, of the Omer: Gevurah of Gevurah

The form of form. Emptiness of emptiness. Wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles (yes a Fiddler on the Roof reference, which was also made in You Will Experience Silence, the brilliantly funny and deep queer jewish play I saw at Dixon Place last night).

So when faced with this, the 9th day, the first thing that came to my mind was my chafing under the form when I first began to study Sogetsu Ikebana, the modern school of Japanese flower arranging. Even though Sogetsu is the most modern of the schools, the beginner starts with a basic form and does it again and again. When you look at the diagram of the form, you can see it is very, well, formal:

As you can see, the arrangement of the flowers is quite fixed. And when I first started working in this most basic of forms, if I varied an angle by so much as a degree my teacher would move it to the correct angle. If I tried to improvise something because I felt it would be a little more interesting or creative, she would correct me and move it back to the proper form. I resisted at first. And then I surrendered to it.

And I learned the freedom of form. For that matter, when I realized how truly different the arrangements looked from student to student, I was stunned. When I saw how varied this one form seemed as the materials varied from week to week, I was impressed. And when I considered that no matter what, the arrangment always looked natural, I was a disciple.

Eventually I studied enough so that I became a low level teacher in the school, and exhibited in the annual show at the Takashimaya department store in Nihonbashi.

Today is the day in which we look at the structure we give our lives, and whether we follow it and feel the freedom in that structure. Whether we resist. Whether we think of it as imposed from outside or something we joyously take on and make truly our own.

In this way, I look to this ancient Japanese practice developed by Buddhist monks to inform my experience of this ancient Jewish practice of counting the Omer and meditating on the sefirotic energy of the day. Some would consider this boundary breaking — and thus destructive of form and discipline. What do you think?